Currently Watching Lightning in a Bottle By Clarence 'Gatemouth' Brown see related

So in about two weeks im leaving for my trip to mexico and i have been looking forward to it all summer. i don't know why but i am so excited about it even though i will be working for 8 days straight building houses and living in a hut. i think the experience will be amazing tho and i am tried of this city, state and country and i think i will like mexico a lot more.

paige and i had our 10 month anniversary yesterday and even tho i didn't see her and was an idiot and forgot to even call her, it was great to realize how long we've been together and how many more of these we will have. i love that girl and its prolly the only thing abotu my life that im sure about...everything else can just fall into place however it wants, im sure ill adjust to it

next weekend im going to tennessee with my dad, sister and paige for fourth of july and we're gonna visit my uncle's grave for the first time since the funeral. i love it down there and im just gonna relax the whole trip, until forth of july cause i made a pipe bomb with 8 ounces of black powder that will prove to be a very very very large firecracker...muahhaha

THE FIRST...

First best friend: Emily Burch
First car: 92 integra...my baby

First real kiss: That black chick that lived down the street from my house a long time ago

First break-up: I don't even know

First screen name: baller33642....megan made it up

First album: lol some whitney houston tape...don't ask

First funeral: David Vialobos' dad

First pet: a worm

First piercing: my ear...7th grade

First credit card: debt card....couple months ago

First true love: Paige

THE LAST TIME...

Last cigarette: a while ago

Last car ride: 10 minutes ago from Marx's Bagels

Last kiss: Paige...Friday

Last good cry: Last weekend...RIP uncle Tim

Last library book checked out: Watergate book

Last beverage drank: Snapple Kiwi Strawberry

Last food consumed: a bananna nut bagel

Last phone call: Sarah...my sister

Last time showered: today

Last shoes worn: my etnies

Last CD played: Warped Tour 03 disk one

Last item bought: don't remember

Last annoyance: life

Last disappointment: this summer

....

Last time wanting to die:. couple weeks ago

Last shirt worn: Plea for Peace shirt

Last sentence you said: What the hell?....to megan

Last song you sang: some Rancid song

What is in your CD player? Punk-o-Rama 9

What color socks are you wearing?: white but dont match

What Color underwear are you wering?: grayish

What's under your bed?: i dont even want to know

What time did you wake up today?: 11

CURRENT THINGS...

Current music: old rock/blues, punk, lots of stuff

Current taste: like im gonna throw up

Current hair: shaved

Current desktop picture: uncle tim, darlene and bruce

Current Book: The Road Less Travelled

Current color of toenails: clear

Current time-wasting wish: i wish i was with paige

Current hate: not having a car and having no place to go even if i had a car

your gender: male

(2) Straight/gay/bi?: i like paige...

(3) Single?: nope...and not trying to be

(4) Want to be?: eh...being single is overrated...

(5) Your birth day: april 19th, 2005

(6) Age you act: either 10 or 50

(7) Age you wish you were: 70

(8) Your height: 6ft

(9) The color of your eyes: brown

(10) Happy with it?: dont care

(11) The color of your hair: brown

(12) Happy with it?: dont care

(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: righty

(14) Your living arrangement? with my dad and sister

(27) Your family: uh yeah i have one

(30) Piercings?: ears

(31) Tattoos?: yup...more on the way

(32) Obsessions?: sleep, thinking about how much i hate mankind and dont feel like i belong here

(35) Do you speak another language? some french

(36) Have a favorite quote? "I'm a complicated man so I live a simple life"-Tim Bushman

(37) Do you have a webpage? this

DEEP THOUGHTS

(38) Do you live in the moment?: at times

(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: most of the time

(40) Do you have any secrets?: yea but nothing good

(41) Do you hate yourself?: sometimes

(42) Do you like your handwriting?: yeah...i guess

(43) Do you have any bad habits?: yup

(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: u have a nice smile

(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: Watch this and u'll instantly feel better about urself

(46) What's your biggest fear?: Being unwanted and without a future

(47) Can you sing: haha not at all

(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: Hunter S Tompson...he was a crazy crazy man

(49) Are you a loner?: yea

(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Maybe but it depends how I'm acting

(52) Are you a daredevil?: sometimes

(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: yeah...

(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: passive

(55) Have you got a ?: Why am I here?

(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness?: I think

(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: a lot...

(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: I would choose love then dig an underground tunnel to creativity

(59) How do you vent?: sometimes i don't but i usually talk about it with someone

(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: eh not so much

(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: yeah I am lucky to have the people who love me but i don't know im not in a good mood right now

(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Put others before yourself and stand up for what u believe

(64) What do you like the most about your body?: my hands

(65) And least?: my back

(66) Do you think you are good looking?: eh

(67) Are you confident?: not really

(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?:

(69) Do people know how you feel?: most of the time

(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: sometimes, i have trouble saying exactly what i mean

DO YOU...

(71) Smoke?: nope...sometimes marijuana but i don't know why

(72) Do a lot of drugs?: nope

(73) Read the newspaper?: sometimes

(74) Pray?: not a lot

(75) Go to church?: when i can get a ride i go...didn't today unfortunately

(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: yup

(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: sometimes

(78) Take walks in the rain?: yeah..i love it

(80) Drive?: yea...when  i can get a car

(81) Like to drive fast?: .....u've heard the story

HAVE YOU EVER...

(82) Liked your voice?: what?

(83) Hurt yourself? yup

(84) Been out of the country?: yup

(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: haha oh yeah

87) Been unfaithful?: yes...but never again

(88) Been in love?: oh yes and i still am

(89 Done drugs? yes

(90) Gone skinny dipping?: not yet

(92) Had a surgery?: nope

(93) Ran away from home?: uh not for more than a hour

(94) Played strip poker: no

(95) Gotten beaten up?: nope

(97) Been picked on?: of course

(98) Been on stage?: yup...hopefully someday i will be again

(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? lol what?

(100) Slept outdoors?: yea

(101) Thought about suicide? yea

(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: not yet

(103) If yes, what is your record?:

(105) Talked on the phone all night?: no...i like talking in person so much more

(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: oh yea...on friday i did and it was wonderful

(107) Slept all day?: nope

(108) Killed someone?: in my dreams yes

(109) Made out with a stranger?: yea

(110) Had sex with a stranger?: noooo

(111) Thought you're going crazy?: i think we are all crazy

(112) Kissed the same sex?: nope

(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: nope

(114) Been betrayed?: yup

(115) Had a dream that came true?: i dont know, prolly

(116) Broken the law?: haha yeah...too many times

(117) Met a famous person? yea

(118) Have you ever killed an anial by accident?: yup

(146) Stolen anything?: yup

(147) Been on radio/TV.? yup

(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: oh yea

(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: yea

(150) Considered religious vocation? no...

(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: yea this girl called me a lousy kisser but i didn't like her neway so i don't care

(152) Bungee jumped?:  yup

(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yea

CLOTHES

(154) Shoe brand?: etnies but im not picky

(155) Brand of clothing?: dont care

(156) Cologne/perfume?: not usually

(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: uniform

(159) Wear hats?: sometimes

(161) Wear make-up? nope

(162) Favorite place to shop?: goodwill

(163) Favorite article of clothing?: hendrix shirt

(164) Are you trendy?: haha good one

(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school? sometimes yes and no

BELIEFS

(166) Believe in life on other planets?: possibly

(167) Miracles?: yeah

(168) Astrology?: yea

(169) Magic?: sometimes

(170) God?: yes but i don't think any human has given an accurate description

(171) Satan?: i think all evil comes from the imperfection of mankind

(172) Santa?: no

(173) Ghosts?: sometimes

(174) Luck?: eh more karma then luck

(175) Love at first sight? lust maybe but not love

(176) Yin and Yang?: to a degree

(177) Witches?: hhmmm...im skeptical

(178) Easter bunny?: my friend's dog ate the easter bunny...i saw it

(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yea

(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: no and why the fuck do i need gold to be happy...why can't tehre be knowledge in the damn pot

(181) LOVE...

(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: no but love is hard to explain

(183) Do you remember your first love? yes and i am still in it

(184) Still love him/her?: oh yes, more and more

(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: no but it is hard

(186) What do you find romantic?: commitment cause its hard to do

(187) Turn-on?: paige's butt....mmmhhhh

188) Turn-off? animals

(189) Do you base your judgment on looks alone: no

(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: flattered

(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"? what? i dont care?

(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: is it not?

(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: yeah

(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: rarely

(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: actually have feelings

(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: hard to understand

(207) What's the last present someone gave you?: a car...well i might be getting it btu i dont know

(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: yes...i have never met anyone else that turned me on as much as paige does

(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: i don't know....maybe that's why i was never a romeo

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...

(211) That haunted you?: kris titko

(212) You wanted to kill?: nobody

(213) That you laughed at?: i don't even know

(214) That laughed at you?: heather
(215) That turned you on?: paige

(216) You went shopping with?: my mom prolly

(217) That broke your heart?: justyne kahn

(218) To disappoint you?: i get disappointed easily so i dont know
(219) To ask you out?: i dont know

(220) To make you cry?: death (uncle timmy)
221)To brighten up your day?: jono

(222) That you thought about?: paige

(223) You saw a movie with?: paige

(224) You talked to on the phone?: my sister (megan)
(225) You talked to through IM?: trevor

(226) You saw?: my dad

(227) You lost?: my uncle

(229) You thought was completely insane?: i dont know

(230) You wanted to be?: uhh nobody

(231) You told off?: myself

(232) You trusted?: and got screwed by? dont know

(233) You turned down?: uhh dont know

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU

(234) Smiled?: yesterday

(235) Laughed?: yesterday

(236) Cried?: tuesday

(237) Bought something?: a while ago

(238) Danced?: haha define dancing

(239) Were sarcastic?: yesterday

(240) hugged someone?: friday

(241) Talked to an ex?: a while ago

(242) Watched your fave movie?: yesteday

(243) Had a nightmare? couple days ago

(245) Talked on the phone?: today

(246) Listened to the radio?: couple days ago...cincinnati radio sucks

(247) Watched TV?: today

48) Went out?: yesterday...kinda

(249) Helped someone?: dont know but i shoudl do that again soon

(250) Were mean?: prolly

(251) Sang?: yesterday prolly

(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: a week  ago

(253) Said "I love you"?: today

(254) Missed someone?: right now

(255) Fought with a family member?: today

(256) Fought with a friend?: dont know

(257) Had a serious conversation?: need one soon

(258) Got drunk?: while ago

(259) Had sex?: about a week ago, or two

Today is one of those days were things are just so shitty that you are kind of numb about it...

Quote of the Day

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."  -Macbeth 5:5

Well things have been okay so far...I've been doing pretty well except yesterday I got news that my uncle only had 3 months left to live because his cancer was getting bad. My dad visited him yesterday night and calls me today to tell me he thinks my uncle tim only has a couple days left.

It really makes me sad that I'm losing somebody I admired so much so quickly. I wish I would have gotten to know him better and I really think him and I are a lot alike. He was a musician and I loved the way he played guitar and the words he said. It really breaks my heart that someone I could learn so much from and would have gotten so much out of teaching me things is going to die so quickly.

I don't even know what death is, maybe I'm selfish, maybe its better for him to die and go to a better place than this cruel world. Who am I to be so devastated just because I won't see him until I die? Sounds selfish to me. Hopefully the afterlife is better, I don't see how it could not be. So why am I still sad? I think sadness is usually just a form of selfishness...we usually only cry when we lose something that effects us, we cry because it will be hard for us. I haven't seen many people cry because others are having a hard time.

What about the people who live horrible lives and work in sweatshops all day? Or all the soldiers who have to kill people for pointless reasons around the world? Shouldn't we be crying for their lives instead of only the few loved ones we have out of billions of people? So many people are being taken advantage of and used and killed and everything horrible...why don't we cry for them?!?!?!?!?